Christ Vanishes

Mary looks back on the Resurrection...

A Short Meditation for Easter

Just when I thought I had him back, he vanished. After all that pain, meeting him again was like a brush with eternity. He appeared more suddenly than I thought he would. I did believe he would return, but gently and slowly as a presence in my life that I could rest my mind on from time to time. I thought that he would live again as a memory when the pain of his loss had faded, that what would remain was the invisible shadow of a presence that had been. But no, it was not like that. He was standing there all flesh and blood, his clothes as he had worn them, the expression on his face as vivid and bright as ever, eyes alive and ready to burst with joy. At first I didn’t recognized him for I had put him out of my mind. Already he was dead for me until his name fell accross his lips. He spoke that same way as he always did, the tone of his voice, the expression of delight. Then I knew he was real and that he would not live just as a memory. He was to live alongside me still as my friend. That moment I cannot forget. Even though he vanished then, that knowledge would not be erased by the passage of time. All these years later, sitting in a cool room waiting for earth and rain to take me, I still catch glimpses of him, out of the corner of my eye as I pass through the busy streets, in the quiet stillness of prayer or in a chance encounter with one of the people he would have made his friends. I still feel his presence as real as it was then, standing beside me in moments of depth and creativity, giving courage. If I could only stretch out the whole of my life and search through it, I would see him there at every moment, always greeting me with delight, in all that I did and said. And yes, always vanishing just beyond the next horizon. He beckons me always onwards towards the future that only he knows, towards the Kingdom which is his joy.