Jesuit One-Liners

Yes, I know many of these are groan-worthy, but still …

Why did the Jesuit cross the road?

For the greater glory of God.

Why was the Jesuit simply staring at the liquor cabinet?

He was discerning his spirits.

How many Jesuits does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one – but 12 will volunteer anyway and enter a heated argument about whether the bulb needs to be changed, which model to go for and whether a new bulb is compatible with our way of proceeding. Eventually, the superior simply makes a decision.

Why do Jesuits love Santa Claus?

Because Santa brings his gifts from above (de arriba).

Why did the Jesuit school award diplomas to four wolves on graduation day?

Because its objective was to form men and women, four others.

What do you get from a Jesuit psychologist?

An examination of consciousness.

Why is a Jesuit’s computer the safest place to back up your data?

Because he is more ready to save his neighbour’s proposition than to condemn it.

Why are there so few Jesuit theoretical physicists?

Because they have to go on experiment when they join.

Why does the Society of Jesus have to change its name in England?

Because Margaret Thatcher said, ‘there is no such thing as society’.

Why do Jesuit soccer teams play a 2-2-2-2-2 formation?

Because Jesuits need to have a long formation.

If you can think of any others, leave them in the comboxes.

Jesuits in Space

Ever notice how science fiction writers who want to portray a religious figure in space tend to pick Jesuits? The most famous instance is Mary Doria Russell’s The Sparrow; but others include James Blish’s A Case of Conscience and Arthur C. Clarke’s The Star.

My first encounter with Jesuits in space was Dan Simmons’s Hyperion. Fr. Paul Duré SJ (though the abbreviation does not appear in the book), a follower of Teilhard de Chardin SJ (historical Jesuit), sets up an ethnological research station on the planet Hyperion when he encounters an alien race called the Bikura. I won’t give too much away, but the Bikura challenge Fr. Duré’s faith in a way you won’t be expecting!

Back to real life, I will be travelling tomorrow with a group of students from the Jesuit college in Limerick to the rocket range in Andøya, Norway as the Irish contingent for Cansat, a European Space Agency competition. The aim of the competition is to design and build a fully functional satellite prototype that fits inside a Coke can. The Cansats will be launched up to a height of 1km, and teams will be judged on technical merit and presentation skills.

Check out the students’ blog here.

He is Risen

    Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.
   
(1 Corinthians 15:12-19 ESV)

Way of the Cross: Concluding Reflection

Dear friends,
We have walked again, with Jesus, the Way of the Cross. We have learned to see again the world, as He sees it, to love it as He loves it. As you return, I would like to leave you with three questions from the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola:

What have I done for Christ? What am I doing for Christ? What ought I to do for Christ?

All: Glory be …
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
R. Amen.
Find all the stations here.

Way of the Cross: Fourteenth Station

Jesus is laid in the tomb and covered in incense

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Passion according to Mark

And when it had already become late … there came Joseph, the one from Arimathea. He was a reputable councillor; and he was also waiting for the kingdom of God. He was daring enough to go to Pilate and ask for the body of Jesus… And when [Pilate] had confirmation [of Jesus’ death] from the centurion, he gifted the corpse to Joseph. And he bought a linen cloth and took him down and wrapped him in the linen cloth and placed him in a tomb which was hewn out of rock. And he rolled a stone on to the door of the tomb. And Mary the Magdalene and Mary [the mother] of Joses were watching where he lay.

Meditation

Finally, Jesus is laid in the tomb. His pain and suffering are over. Now his loved ones have a great wound in their heart that cannot be healed, a hole that cannot be filled. Whom have you loved and lost as they did?

Prayer

Jesus, the Resurrected One, though it seemed that all was finished when they laid you in the tomb, you rose again in glory that first Easter morning. Take into your care all our loved ones who have left us, and grant them a place at your side in your Kingdom.

Close

All: Our Father …
Christ, when Thou shalt call me hence,
Be Thy Mother my defence,
Be Thy cross my victory.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Thirteenth Station

Deposition or Lamentation: Jesus' body is removed from the cross

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Passion according to Mark

And the veil of the Temple was torn in two, from the top to the very bottom. And seeing that he expired in this way, the centurion who stood by, over against him, said, ‘Truly this man was Son of God.’

Meditation

It was not the temple authorities, or the scribes or the Pharisees, but a Roman centurion who saw Jesus for who He really was, the Son of God. Do you see Him for who He really is? Who do you say Jesus is to you?

Prayer

Jesus, our Lord, help us to see you for who you really are - the Son of the Living God.

Close

All: Our Father …
Let me mingle tears with thee,
Mourning Him who mourn'd for me,
All the days that I may live.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Twelfth Station

Jesus dies on the cross

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Passion according to Mark

And when it came to the sixth hour, darkness came on the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus shouted in a loud voice, ‘Eloi, eloi, lema sabachthani?’ when it is translated is, ‘My God, my God, for what purpose did you abandon me?’ And some of the bystanders, hearing [this], started to say, ‘Look – he is calling on Elijah.’… ‘Wait – let’s see if Elijah is coming to take him down.’ But Jesus, letting out a great shout, expired.

Meditation

Even Jesus appears to have lost hope now. No one is coming to save him. Do you find yourself crying, ‘My God, my God, for what purpose did you abandon me?’

Prayer

Jesus, our Lord, you’ve shown us you understand the depths of our hopelessness and pain. But God did not abandon you, and three days later, He proved it for the entire world to see. Give us the patience and courage to hold on to the promises of God.

Close

All: Our Father …
Let me share with thee His pain,
Who for all my sins was slain,
Who for me in torments died.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Eleventh Station

Crucifixion: Jesus is nailed to the cross

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Passion according to Mark

Now it was the third hour, and they crucified him. And the inscription of his charge was inscribed ‘The King of the Jews’. And with him they crucify two brigands, one on [the] right and one on his left. And the passers-by started to blaspheme him, nodding their heads and saying, ‘Aha! The chap who destroys the Temple and builds it in three days! Save yourself [by] coming down from the cross!’

Meditation

Even now, it was not too late for Jesus to save Himself from this terrible fate. But He had pledged His life to serving God and glorifying God’s name right up to the very end. How is God calling you to glorify His name? Do you trust in His infinite mercy and goodness?

Prayer

Jesus, Son of the Father, you resisted every temptation to show your power and glory in a way that was not in accordance with God’s will. You could only do that because of your unshakeable faith in Him. Give us that same faith in our weakest moments.

Close

All: Our Father …
Holy Mother! Pierce me through;
In my heart each wound renew
Of my Saviour crucified.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Tenth Station

Jesus is stripped of His garments

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Passion according to Mark

And [the soldiers] tried to give him wine flavoured with myrrh – but he didn’t take it. And they crucify him. And they ‘divide up his garments, casting a lot over them [to see] who would get something.’

Meditation

Jesus was stripped of all his clothes, of all his dignity. And then they nailed him to the cross like a piece of wood. The carpenter’s son from Nazareth was nailed like a plank of wood himself. The world pressures us to treat our brothers and sisters as mere objects to be used and disposed, removed of all the dignity of the sons and daughters of God. Do you feel that pressure?

Prayer

Jesus, true God and true Man, you accepted the humiliation of the Cross for our sake. Give us the respect for human life and dignity that you always had, and the courage to defend it against the pressures and ideologies of the world.

Close

All: Our Father …
Make me feel as thou hast felt;
Make my soul to glow and melt
With the love of Christ our Lord.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Ninth Station

Jesus falls the third time

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the First Letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians

So let everyone who thinks that they are secure watch out for a fall. The only temptation that has seized you is of a human kind. God is faithful; and God will not permit you to be tempted beyond what you can manage. Along with the temptation, he will fashion a successful outcome, so that you[‘ll] be able to bear up under it.

Meditation

The weight of the cross is too much. Jesus falls again, a third time. Surely he cannot get up again. But he does. Have you felt the same in your life?

Prayer

Jesus, our Redeemer, you called on your beloved ‘Abba’, the Father, each time you felt crushed by the terrible burden you carried; and he gave you strength to get up again. Give us that strength of faith and hope when the temptations and tribulations of life threaten to crush us into dust.

Close

All: Our Father …
O thou Mother! fount of love!
Touch my spirit from above;
Make my heart with thine accord.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Eighth Station

Jesus meets the women of Jerusalem

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Passion according to Mark

And there were women looking at him from afar, among whom were also Mary the Magdalene, and Mary mother of James the Little and of Joses, and Salome, the women who when he was in the Galilee used to follow him and minister to him, and many other women who came with him up to Jerusalem.

Meditation

Jesus life and ministry would have been impossible were it not for the support and assistance of the numerous women in his life. And, unlike his apostles, they were with him to the very end. Do you appreciate the gifts of men and women as much as you could?

Prayer

Jesus, our Saviour, by your death you wanted to plant the seeds for a new heaven and a new earth. Give us the wisdom to recognise that all gifts come from you through the Holy Spirit, and that our gifts complement, rather than contradict, each other.

Close

All: Our Father …
Christ above in torment hangs;
She beneath beholds the pangs
Of her dying glorious Son.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Seventh Station

Jesus falls the second time

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Book of Psalms

Friends and companions stand aloof from my pain;
those closest to me stand afar off.
Those who plot against my life lay snares;
those who seek my ruin speak of harm,
planning treachery all the day long.
But in you, O LORD, I hope;
it is you, LORD my God, who will answer.
I pray, “Let them not gloat over me,
exult if my foot should slip.”
For I am on the point of falling,
and my pain is always with me.

Meditation

Jesus was truly alone now. Even Peter, the apostle he appointed to be a rock for the rest, had denied him three times and abandoned him. How do you feel in the presence of the Suffering One? Do you find yourself wanting to stay, or leave?

Prayer

Jesus, our Redeemer, your friends had run away from you. Your family, except for your mother, were nowhere to be seen. Though it asks much of us, though it distresses us so to be in the presence of so much pain; give us the desire to minister even by our very presence.

Close

All: Our Father …
For the sins of His own nation,
Saw Him hang in desolation,
Till His spirit forth He sent.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Sixth Station

Veronica wipes the face of Jesus

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Gospel according to Matthew

‘When the Son of Man appears in his glory and all his angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory… Then the king will say to those on his right, “Come you who have been blessed by my Father; inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me to drink; I was a stranger and you gave me hospitality; naked and you put clothes on me; I was sick and you visited me; I was in prison and you came to me.” Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you a drink? When did we see you a stranger and give you hospitality or naked and put clothes on you? When did we see you sick or in prison and come to you?” And the king will answer them, “Amen I tell you, whatever you did to one of these brothers and sisters of mine, [even] the least of them, you did it to me.”’

Meditation

Veronica’s action must have seemed pointless. She could not help Jesus avoid his fate on the cross. Any relief wiping his face gave him would have been temporary; since he would simply sweat and bleed again. Yet, though the relief she offers is so little, it is enough to grace her life. Do you find joy and grace in the little things you can do for others?

Prayer

Jesus, our Lord, you taught us to serve you in the poor, the sick, the dying. Give us the grace you gave St. Veronica to recognise that no act of kindness is too small for you.

Close

All: Our Father …
Bruis'd, derided, curs'd, defil'd,
She beheld her tender child
All with bloody scourges rent.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Fifth Station

Simon of Cyrene carries the cross

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Passion according to Mark

And [the soldiers] conscript a certain passer-by, Simon, a Cyrenean coming in from the country side, the father of Alexander and Rufus, to carry his cross. And they take him to the place Golgotha, which when it is translated is ‘Place of the Skull’.

Meditation

Poor Simon. He was only in Jerusalem because of the great feast, probably to finish up some business. Suddenly he finds himself trapped with a stranger’s cross. And he wasn’t even a Jew! But he is generous, he does not complain. Do you know someone who has been generous with you, helped you carry your own cross?

Prayer

Jesus, our Saviour, you gave Simon of Cyrene the unexpected grace of helping you in your saving work. Sometimes it is a burden for us to help someone else carry their cross. We are reluctant to help because it takes time out of our own concerns. Give us the generosity you gave Simon, the opportunity to help our brothers and sisters in need.

Close

All: Our Father …
Can the human heart refrain
From partaking in her pain,
In that Mother's pain untold?
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Fourth Station

Jesus meets His Mother

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Gospel according to Luke

In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent to a city of Galilee whose name is Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the name of the virgin was Mary… And the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary. For you have found favour with God. And look! You will conceive in the womb, and bear a son. And you shall call his name Jesus. This one will be great, and will be called Son of the Most High. And the Lord will give him the throne of his ancestor David. And he shall rule over the house of David for ever and of his reign there shall be no end.’

Meditation

The figure that Mary saw did not look like one who would rule without end. The words of the angel must have seemed like a cruel joke to her. Do you sometimes feel like she did?

Prayer

Mary, our mother, you chose to let a sword pierce your heart so that all of us could find our way to our Father’s house. Pray for us to your Son so that we may not be cynical and lose hope when all seems lost and pointless.

Close

All: Our Father …
Is there one who would not weep,
Whelm'd in miseries so deep
Christ's dear Mother to behold?
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Third Station

Jesus falls the first time

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Gospel according to Matthew

‘Come here to me, all you who labour and are burdened, and I shall give you rest. Take my yoke upon yourselves, and learn from me, because I am gentle, and humble in heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is kindly, and my burden is light.’

Meditation

Jesus’ own cross was anything but kindly. Yet he promises to give us rest, a burden that is light. How is this possible? Our own yokes can often press us down. Could it be that Jesus is reminding us that we do not have to go it alone? Can you let Him take the heavier burden off your back?

Prayer

Jesus, our Lord, though you fell under the weight of the Cross, you found the strength to get up again. Be with us in our burdens, give us the yoke that is kindly. Give us the strength to get back on our feet.

Close

All: Our Father …
Oh, how sad and sore distress'd
Was that Mother highly blest
Of the sole-begotten One!
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Second Station

Jesus accepts the cross
V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Passion according to Mark

And the soldiers led him inside the courtyard, which is the praetorium. And they call together the whole cohort. And they clothe him in purple and place on him a thorny wreath which they wove. And they began to acclaim him, ‘Hail, King of the Jews.’ And they started to beat his head with a reed; and they were spitting on him and they were kneeling down and worshipping him. And when they had mocked him, they took the purple off him, and put his own clothes on him. And they take him out to crucify him.

Meditation

It wasn’t enough for the soldiers to nail Jesus to the cross. They felt the need to torment and torture him first. Were they taking out the frustrations of their own lives on this helpless victim? Were they driven by some misguided sense of camaraderie and being part of a group? Have you been tempted to be part of such a group? Have you wanted to fit in so much you could not hear your conscience?

Prayer

Jesus, our King, you asked the Father to forgive the people who hurt you, who humiliated you. You said they did not know what they were doing. We too do not always know what we are doing. Forgive us, Lord, and help us to forgive.

Close

All: Our Father …
Through her heart, His sorrow sharing,
All His bitter anguish bearing,
Now at length the sword had pass'd.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: First Station

Jesus is condemned to death

V. We adore you, O Christ and praise you.
R. Because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world.

Reading

From the Passion according to Mark

And [the high priests with the elders and scribes and the whole Sanhedrin] bound Jesus and led him away and handed him over to Pilate. And Pilate interrogated him, ‘You are the “King of the Jews”?’ But he answered and said, ‘You say so.’ And the high priests made many accusations against him. And Pilate interrogated him again, saying, “You do not respond? Look how many things they accuse you of!’ But Jesus no longer made any response, so that Pilate wondered.

Meditation

It’s not fair. Jesus did not deserve to suffer and die. He had never done anything more than love and serve his entire life. Why didn’t he rage and protest against his unjust sentence? How did you feel when you were in a similar situation?

Prayer

Jesus, our King, you could have defended yourself with eloquent words. You could have called on disciples and angels to rescue you. When we feel misunderstood, or treated unfairly, or find ourselves suffering a sentence we do not deserve, give us the strength and courage you showed in Pilate’s court.

Close

All: Our Father …
At the cross her station keeping,
Stood the mournful Mother weeping,
Close to Jesus to the last.
Find the remaining stations here.

Way of the Cross: Opening Prayer

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
R. Amen.
Jesus our Saviour,
we are gathered here today
to walk with you again
on that final journey of your natural life.
Your Sacred Heart made its own
the suffering not just of one man twenty centuries ago,
but the suffering of all humanity down the ages.
As we accompany you today
we pray that you will unite our hearts with yours and yours with ours,
our suffering with yours and yours with ours,
our crosses with yours and yours with ours,
so that we may share in the glory of God when you walk the earth again.
Through you, our Lord Jesus Christ.
R. Amen.
Find the remaining stations here.

The Way of the Cross

Over the next several posts, I’m putting up the text to the Way of the Cross I’ve composed for tonight’s service at the Midwestern Regional Hospital, Limerick. Click the links below to go to the individual stations:-

Opening Prayer

First Station

Second Station

Third Station

Fourth Station

Fifth Station

Sixth Station

Seventh Station

Eighth Station

Ninth Station

Tenth Station

Eleventh Station

Twelfth Station

Thirteenth Station

Fourteenth Station

Closing Reflection

The Way of the Cross – YouTube-style

Palm Sunday

A word from the Pope:-

… Who is Jesus of Nazareth for us? What idea do we have of the Messiah, what idea do we have of God? It is a crucial question, one we cannot avoid, not least because during this very week we are called to follow our King who chooses the Cross as his throne. We are called to follow a Messiah who promises us, not a facile earthly happiness, but the happiness of heaven, divine beatitude. So we must ask ourselves: what are our true expectations? What are our deepest desires, with which we have come here today to celebrate Palm Sunday and to begin our celebration of Holy Week?
Dear young people, present here today, this, in a particular way, is your Day, wherever the Church is present throughout the world. So I greet you with great affection! May Palm Sunday be a day of decision for you, the decision to say yes to the Lord and to follow him all the way, the decision to make his Passover, his death and resurrection, the very focus of your Christian lives. It is the decision that leads to true joy, as I reminded you in this year’s World Youth Day Message – “Rejoice in the Lord always” (Phil 4:4). So it was for Saint Clare of Assisi when, on Palm Sunday 800 years ago, inspired by the example of Saint Francis and his first companions, she left her father’s house to consecrate herself totally to the Lord. She was eighteen years old and she had the courage of faith and love to decide for Christ, finding in him true joy and peace.